Saturday, January 28, 2012

I promise, you DO have something to live for.

As I have mentioned before, I like to keep this blog upbeat. I try to be silly, funny, and happy. But today, I am not silly, having fun, or happy.

Something that I don't think a lot of people know about me, is that on Thanksgiving day of 1999, my Aunt Randi took her own life. I didn't understand... I was just 13, and I thought only "crazy" people did that. My Aunt wasn't crazy... she was beautiful, funny, rich... one of the most amazing people I ever knew. (and still is, to this day.) She was sick, very sick, and it was a well kept secret to much of the family. She didn't want anyone to know about the darkness in her life. Everything seemed fine. She was 44.

I think it was a surprise to everyone when we found out. I never saw an ounce of sadness in her. She was much stronger than she gave herself credit for. I never really did tell anyone when I was younger. I, for some reason, thought I should be ashamed that this happened in our family. Why is the topic of suicide so taboo? I am so embarrassed that I thought I should be embarrassed. There is nothing embarrassing about my Aunt's beautiful life, or that fact that she fell very ill. We miss her so much, and I still think about her often to this day. I don't have a ton of vivid memories of being 13, but I remember the moment I heard the news. I remember her life, and I remember how angelic she looked in her casket. I wish that she could have received more of the help she needed. I wish I could see her again.

And now, just two days ago, I heard of an old friend who had also ended his life. I am saddened immensely by this news. Although he was not an active part of my life anymore, he was part of my life all the same. We became very close very fast, and have lost touch over the years. I am sad that I didn't have a closer relationship with him, but  I understand that that's life.You never know when you are out of time. 

I am unsure what could have been so horrible for a 25 year old to want to end his own life. My heart breaks at the thought of him being so miserable, that he didn't want to live anymore. I would be lying if I said a very small part of me isn't relieved that he is no longer in pain. I cannot imagine what he was going through. He was one of the most passionate, family oriented people I had ever known. Nothing in the world was more important to him then his mom, brother and sisters, and his nephews. Although it has been a few years since we have seen each other, I will never forget his passion for the things he cared about. I am so happy to be able to have called him a friend. Nothing can take back the memories we shared, and I am so lucky to have them.

Unfortunately, depression and chemical imbalances are something not a lot of people talk about, embarrassed about, or don't take seriously. I am unsure of what happened with my friend. But I bet that he either reached out to someone and they didn't take him seriously, or, he was too embarrassed to speak up. This happens too often, and no one deserves to feel this way. I wish there was more suicide awareness, so people knew where to turn when they or someone else needs help. I can't change the world, but I plan on doing what I can to help.

A few of my friends are grieving a lot right now. so for them, or anyone who has experienced this is the past, a website for support-- Here.

National suicide hotline is 1.800.273.TALK. if you or someone you know needs help, USE THIS. I just want everyone to know that you are worth it.

THIS is a list of suicide hotlines/clinics IN Washington.

I don't think I am going to save any lives with this post. But I want to spread awareness of this issue because this IS HAPPENING! and with every life lost, they leave behind of world of hurt for their friends and family. As I sit here with my 3 month old son, I can't help but to think that my friend is his mom's SON. She birthed him, held him, soothed and took care of him... and he was her baby. I can't even start to imagine the pain his mother is in, and my heart is heavy for her.

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I am NOT looking for sympathy. I am so sad for the loss of my friend, but this is NOT about me. this is about him, and his family. He left us too soon and he will be truely missed by everyone who knew him. So happy that I had the chance)

Moral of the story is hold your loved ones close!! you never know when your time is up, and you should cherish who you have, and take TOO many pictures!! moments like this are timeless.

Times we won't remember, with people we will never forget!! RIP MDB


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