Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Mommys need some time too!

I really don't have anything beneficial to say. probably nothing worth reading. but guess what! i don't feel good, I'm exhausted, and my kids are asleep so no interruptions.

i always try to be this great super mom/attachment parent, be with or accessible to my children at any given time, but I'm going crazy. i love the thought of attachment parenting, but i need a freaking break! I'm looking at almost 13 months of breast feeding, and i just really, more than anything, want my boobs and my drinking habit back. i will more than likely continue to nurse through winter, and potentially spring, but i will figure that out later. i love what i am doing for LJ (not to mention the great benefits for me!) but i wont say i don't daydream about putting baileys in my coffee, drinking bloody marys for breakfast, and guzzling down some vodka sodas for the rest of the day. but instead, i suffer with facing real life at all times. anything for my offspring!






I will absolutely kick myself for this, but my camera has been off lately. I cannot stand taking pictures of the boys right now. LJ does NOT sit still, and Gavin has such a 'tude sometimes, he only allows you to take pictures when he wants you to take pictures. and then he will drive you nuts until you do, demand to see it, and then drive you nuts til you take another one. wash, rinse, repeat.






if there is one thing that keeps me sane, its my Mr. he can literally walk in the door, and within seconds knows how I'm feeling. one day on the verge of a serious mental break down, he walks in the door:: * me, on my hands and knees trying to scrub coffee that Landon had happily taken a big drink of and also dumped it all over the floor* "Hi babe! oh. let me take the kids. you need a break." and some days...i SO do. don't think i some days don't want to punch him in the face. that happens too. but our dynamic works because i can tell him i want to punch him in the face, and then he straightens up. forever isn't easy. but we're figuring it out!

seahawks vs. jets 


a customer told me tonight, "I'll give you 50 cents, or a dollar (tip), you choose." i told him i didn't want either one. he asks me, " aren't you working for tips?" I said "nope, I'm working to get out of the house and talk to adults." he laughed at me, for probably too long. my guilt setting in thinking he's going to think I'm a horrible mother, he says, "my wife did the same thing!" gave me a dollar, and walked off. moral of the story, I am not the only stay at home mom who goes absolutely nuts. you always want what you can't (or this case, don't) have!


on that note-- i need to sleep. Landon I'm sure will be up soon. he's not feeling well (as am i) so although his sleep has gotten worlds better, he's having a hard time breathing and its effecting my beauty rest. but i will get what i can take. good night blog world. it's been real.

xoxo

FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I'm gonna hit you with some awesome pictures in attempt to make up for this post sucking so bad. 

Arrghh.

No it's cool. It's part of an arranged marriage.




I haz cheese?


This is old. like, 4 months old. but that FACE!!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Where does the time go?

I'll admit-- I was blog obsessed for quite a few months, and I was pretty passionate about getting to the computer, and getting everything part of my entrance to mommyhood on to a solid form of digital record. I am not even going to back track... But i know it's been months since I've gotten here. 

Mommyhood honesty:: I've been feeling very strange about LJ turning one. I am so proud, sad, exhausted, ready for him to get a job, and emotional (sans the tears). It feels almost... out of body. I kept trying to cuddle and rock him tonight. I pretty much got a big "F you mom, I'm a big boy now" from him, and he went along with his little sideways crab/drunken penguin waltz. moral of the story today, is, I am a proud mama. This kid drives me nuts, keeps me up ALL night (yes, still, at 1 years old). i fight through over-exhaustion. delusion. hypochondria. selfishness. and most importantly, my mild case of boozing. ( for us social drinkers, who suddenly get knocked up, and two years later hardly having her boobs in her shirt long enough to HAVE a drink.)

This would be his.. "I am one now and fighting naps so I am grumpy all day" face.


I decided a long time ago that my most important gift i could give to Lands would be to write him a letter, and let him know how much he changed my life and what he means to me. I hope to raise him in such a way that he will appreciate it one day, and feel this feeling of amazement himself when he has his own child. I hope to mold him into someone I, or any good woman for that matter, would WANT to be with. I've had experience with too many negative men in my life ( including the one who created me) that many of my hopes for him revolve around not only what he will do in life, but how he treats people and what kind of legacy he can leave behind. I am mommy-ing the best that I can.. and although the hurdles come and go, and will continue to for many, many years... I can only hope that he will be a good person with an amazing heart, and always try to do whats best. I am pouring my heart and soul into this child, and I cannot wait to see how he pans out. I am, by far, a better person than I ever knew i could be since he came along. he changed my life completely, and i hope he can continue to do that to others through out his life time. 






that is all for now, friends. I shall return if the beast decides to sleep again sometime soon. Birthday party pictures to come soon!

xoxo



Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The hostess with the mostest!

I have always been a "party" type person. As an adult, or should I say.. "adult"... I have wanted to throw parties. Threw my bff a fantastic baby shower 5 years ago.. at my moms. I always lived in an apartment, so I couldn't really do much. Threw a few HUGE parties around 21... and well... I don't want to have THOSE kinds of parties anymore. Now that LJ is a little older and we are more settled in the house ( that Ben has lived in for YEARS... needed a girls touch for sure!) I am ready to take the plunge again. Ben loves to BBQ, so we have been having people over for dinner here and there. I usually get kind of stressed out about clutter ( baby toys everywhere!!) the day of, and space, but we always end up having a good time. we just bought a brand new BBQ so we look forward to doing this all summer long!!!

with all that being said, LJ's birthday is in 3 months, 1 week, and 6 days. But who's counting!! I have been so wrapped up in having a BABY, it's so crazy to think that he will be a year old already! I am super excited and planning his birthday like crazy. I have been trying to scrapbook lately. It's so hard because the way Landon is (he's getting much better), and hes not napping great while he's teething. When Gavin is home, we like to have "special time" when LJ is sleeping so he has big boy activites to look forward to that we cant do while the itty is awake. But i bought a cricut anyway. I am so STINKING excited, and have already scrounged up 4 cartridges. I have planned out all the decorations for Landons birthday, and plan to start soon! I have yet to scrapbook :)

We had a pretty small party for Gavin's first party, and a pretty low budget one for his second birthday. I feel bad, but, I didn't want to over step my boundries on his first birthday and his last one was hard trying to get used to a brand new baby also. This year he will get to pick his theme, and I'm pretty sure it will be rockets. He says he dreams about them every nap and bedtime. he loves them!

I better get off my butt... LJ is chasing our cat around the kitchen and I've got to get ready to host dinner tonight for my fab in-laws! wonder where the time crunch stress comes from? ;)

xoxo!

bridezilla...who?

We still have sooooooo long til the wedding. like, forever. almost as long as we have been together so far. People are annoyed by this. but if anyone wants to hand us 15 or more THOUSAND dollars.. we will gladly move it up. to tomorrow. but, it is important to us that we have the money to spend, the time to spend it, and that Landon is big enough to walk as the ring bear with his big brother. we want to make sure everything is exactly the way we want it. No regrets! We are obviously not planning on having another one, so what we want is important to us. that being said, we can NOT find a FREAKING VENUE. a lot of polcies are rediculous. no alcohol at a few. what does that even mean?! shouldn't I, the BRIDE(zilla) be the one to make that decision? a lot of other have expensive fees.. which is whatever. 500 fee for having booze, or a $5/bottle cork fee. that makes for an expenise bottle of wine. and a $4/slice cake cutting fee. which is averaging out at about 9 bucks per person for a piece of CAKE. I havent even started  looking at cake yet because it makes me want to vomit. i don't even like cake that much. But I will be sure to enjoy each bite of cake at the next wedding I attend!

we have been venue hunting for MONTHS. I used to get excited, and take pictures as soon as we pulled up. And now.. nothing. I actually dread the emails, the walk-throughs, the searching... its getting annoying and frusterating. Here's where we stand so far..

The sanctuary at admiral

This place is AMAZEBALLS. the balconies, the chairs ( I have a weird thing about ugly chairs) the whole theme.. it's seriously so cute. It has everything we are looking for. the only problem for me, which really isn't a PROBLEM.. just a wrentch, is that it is so modern. which is great! the decor is so cute. But, I will have to change my vision if we pick this. I was hoping very soft colors with pops of bright springy colors. This place is very red/black/gold/grey... totally gorg but not my vision. potentially worth changing. this is by far our number one choice so far.

Hollywood School House!

This... is EXACTLY what I was looking for. seriously.. its BEAUTIFUL. it's the second venue we looked at. I am unsure if all the NO's! are pulling me back here... or if I actually do just love it. its amazing though. there alcohol policy sucks, and it's going to cost us a big chunk of our budget, and the bridal and groom suits are SUPER lame. but... I think we could deal with it.

I am only going to look at a couple more places before re-looking at these two. my goal is to have a down payment on a venue by september, when the wedding shows are coming back around. I went last year, but it was just a week after my engagement and I more or less just wanted to go out of excitement. It was a bit overwhelming so I would like more direction this time around.

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I wanted to give a big F YOU! shout out to edmonds yatch club... who wouldn't even let us take a looksie at that fine establishment because our wedding is so far away. Thanks for the customer service ;) oh and ps youre welcome for this!)

Hopefully we will figure this out ASAP. although we still have lots of time, it's moving FAST as I'm chasing around my little boys. Here's some sweetness to hold you over!


xoxo!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Confessions of a new mommy

Landon is beginning to "normalize" a little bit. He's starting to go to sleep sometimes between 8:30 and 10:30 instead of midnight to 2 am. He is still not sleeping great through the night, but its very slowly getting better. we've pretty much been teething since beginning of June, so, I have hope. When these two top teeth push through, we might have a fighting chance. which takes me to my point-- I have have a lot of time to think. more than usual... which can be scary.

Being a mom is HARD. especially a new mom! I never, ever thought for a second it would be easy... but since I had Gavin since he was 2 weeks old, I thought I understood. ( To all you step-mommies who think you know it all-- take notes. this is real shit.) I used to watch Gavin while Ben was at school 3 nights every other week, then we would spend the entire weekend together. I had been there through infancy to toddler-hood, through the teething, crawling, walking, feeding, pooping etc. etc. you get what im saying. And as an Aunt of 11 kids.. I thought it would come easIER to me. and then, i got bitchslapped.

I love my son. I never thought it was even possible to love something like this. I thought I would love him like I love Ben. Or like I love shoes ( which is A LOT) I never in my life thought it would be this extreme, where sometimes I could ( and do) cry at a glance. Have you seen him!? he is so stinking cute. seriously... its rediculous.



With that being said, I have to admit. I have let being a mom completely take over my life. As it should! but I should still be a person. I'm not. I'm a diaper changer, milk maker, chasing arounder, non-shower-er, feeder, happy, mom. Being a mom has brought me closer to some (Especially my sisters!) and much further away from a lot of other things. my relationship defintely takes a backseat right now. and thats crazy! if I didn't have my soon-to-be hubby, I wouldn't have these kids at all! A majority of my friendships have taken a big hit... social life is ground zero. Which is fine... people who really mattered to me ( and I would want around my kids) are still around. I'm not saying any of this is bad-- I'm just saying. I never thought that EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life would change.  it's the most rewarding job on the planet, but I am "just" a mom. Super mom of course ;)



In OTHER NEWS... sweet boy is now 8 months old and sweeter than ever :) he's becoming so much more independant and LOVES to play with his big brother. He's always clapping and smiling... He's so happy! I know I've said it before.. But i couldnt of had a better baby for me. He is the best parts of me, maaaaaybe a little of Ben, and the best of his little baby self.



The binkie fairy paid a little visit to our house last night.. and took all of Gavins bedtime binkies and LJ's too ( he never took them.) we are VERY proud to say the habit has been kicked and lots of new babies are very happy with their new binkies ;) best part?! she brought Gavin LOTS of pennies and quarters and we're going to buy a pool today. Gotta love that binkie fairy... I bet she's super pretty too ;)


Time to wake up my crazies, and take them swimming with their cousins, Aunties, and Grandma. we love the summer time!! (ie... watch out for pool party post!!)

xoxo

Thursday, May 31, 2012

my baby is 7 months old!

WHERE has the time gone?! I can't even believe its been 7 months since my sweet boy has entered the world... its almost pathetic how every month gets harder and harder for me. I am SO proud of everything he does, but so sad to see my sweet little boy growing so fast. although I am over the constant nursing, the night wakings... the too clingy-ness when i need to do the dishes, take a shower, or just a break... but I wouldnt change anything for the world! I can shower next year and sleep when I die ;)



I realized I never updated about Landon's doctors appointment a few weeks ago, and we pulled it off!! he's gaining a little bit more than whats "normal" per day.. and our pediatrician wants to push a little bit more than that so he can catch up what was lost. So he is still a bit small, but perfect, healthy, and meeting all of his milestones.
Don't let him fool you... He eats EVERYTHING.




hes starting to pull himself up, army crawling ( when he wants to), rocking on all fours, and likes to nurse on all fours or standing (ANNOYING), and hes beginning to resond to some sign language (mostly just milk, food, and all done.), and when I say BIG JUMP! he bounces up and down like he's trying to jump. I can't even believe the little personality he's starting to develop!



Him and Gavin absolutely love eachother. he plays SOOO much longer when Gavin is on the floor keeping him company. it's making our off weeks much more difficult, I think he really misses Gavin when hes not here. when he wakes up from his nap hes always trying to look over the hand rail on the stairs looking for him. it really is sweet. I love watching them together! (even though Gavin often scares the balls off me. he likes to sit and crawl on him. he doesnt realize he's just a baby!)



(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: these pictures are all from the last month. I really had to filter through for my favorites. I literally took over 250 pictures last month.)


We FINALLY started decorated the boys' room... I know, REALLY late. I have been bitching at Ben since I was pregnant, and neither of us made any kind of effort. But I got all kinds of motivated last weekend and we got the ball rolling. we still need to buy lots of pictures and frames and things... but it looks so cute already!
this is the wall with the most done... its a work in progress and I'm exicited!!



I guess I'm gonna end this with the rest of the photo bomb... I could go on all day about how cute he looks when he sneezes or how red his face gets when he shits his diaper. I'll spare you (and myself.) not to mention dad will be  home soon, baby is napping and I've got shit to do!!!


How did I get so lucky? Happy 7 months my sweet baby boy!!

xoxo




Monday, May 7, 2012

PHOTO BOMB!!

Hello blogworld--

as promised, I have come to drop a load of pictures on you. Ben will be home soon, and I've done nothing domestic all day (besides being a mommy, of course!) so I will keep this short and sweet.

We are almost a week into this crazy help LJ gain weight game, and, of course he came down  with a fever on saturday and as of 4:30 this (monday) morning, we are still fighting it. he doesn't seem like he feels too awful, but I know hes uncomfortable. I have to take him back in tomorrow, for the weight check and to try and figure out whats going on with this fever. and since of course he's not eating as much because he doesn't feel good, We will either have to schedule another weight check or a time for blood work :( it 100% tears me upside at just the THOUGHT of something being wrong with my sweet boy. I would do anything in my power to keep him strong, healthy, and happy... but some things are out of your control. I do know that there is still a strong chance that nothing is wrong with him at all. I'm not freaking out yet. but the thought of it... is hard for a momma.


I will update this week, after the doctors appointment. everyone, whatever you do... keep him in your thoughts, prayers, send us some good vibes etc... I need my little boy to be healthy! fingers crossed!!!


LJ is 5 months old here!

Gavin is FINALLY learning to smile on command :)

LJ and his cousin Nick!

You don't eat your feet for dinner?

Easter with the Kuzn cousins!


easter!!

PEEPS!!

recent mommy and daddy date night :)

my big boy in his crib! I miss putting him to sleep... love the break from it. (He doesnt usually sleep with all the blankets.. relax.)

At the big boy table!



I'm 6 months old today!! and not feeling well after shots :(



(FAUX-BLOGGERSNOTE:: from now on, I vow to STOP taking the majority of my pictures on my iphone. It's so annoying that most my cute pictures are stuck on my phone... but i will miss the convenience!)

Enjoy!! 
xoxo