Thursday, November 1, 2012

Where does the time go?

I'll admit-- I was blog obsessed for quite a few months, and I was pretty passionate about getting to the computer, and getting everything part of my entrance to mommyhood on to a solid form of digital record. I am not even going to back track... But i know it's been months since I've gotten here. 

Mommyhood honesty:: I've been feeling very strange about LJ turning one. I am so proud, sad, exhausted, ready for him to get a job, and emotional (sans the tears). It feels almost... out of body. I kept trying to cuddle and rock him tonight. I pretty much got a big "F you mom, I'm a big boy now" from him, and he went along with his little sideways crab/drunken penguin waltz. moral of the story today, is, I am a proud mama. This kid drives me nuts, keeps me up ALL night (yes, still, at 1 years old). i fight through over-exhaustion. delusion. hypochondria. selfishness. and most importantly, my mild case of boozing. ( for us social drinkers, who suddenly get knocked up, and two years later hardly having her boobs in her shirt long enough to HAVE a drink.)

This would be his.. "I am one now and fighting naps so I am grumpy all day" face.

I decided a long time ago that my most important gift i could give to Lands would be to write him a letter, and let him know how much he changed my life and what he means to me. I hope to raise him in such a way that he will appreciate it one day, and feel this feeling of amazement himself when he has his own child. I hope to mold him into someone I, or any good woman for that matter, would WANT to be with. I've had experience with too many negative men in my life ( including the one who created me) that many of my hopes for him revolve around not only what he will do in life, but how he treats people and what kind of legacy he can leave behind. I am mommy-ing the best that I can.. and although the hurdles come and go, and will continue to for many, many years... I can only hope that he will be a good person with an amazing heart, and always try to do whats best. I am pouring my heart and soul into this child, and I cannot wait to see how he pans out. I am, by far, a better person than I ever knew i could be since he came along. he changed my life completely, and i hope he can continue to do that to others through out his life time. 

that is all for now, friends. I shall return if the beast decides to sleep again sometime soon. Birthday party pictures to come soon!


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