Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Confessions of a new mommy

Landon is beginning to "normalize" a little bit. He's starting to go to sleep sometimes between 8:30 and 10:30 instead of midnight to 2 am. He is still not sleeping great through the night, but its very slowly getting better. we've pretty much been teething since beginning of June, so, I have hope. When these two top teeth push through, we might have a fighting chance. which takes me to my point-- I have have a lot of time to think. more than usual... which can be scary.

Being a mom is HARD. especially a new mom! I never, ever thought for a second it would be easy... but since I had Gavin since he was 2 weeks old, I thought I understood. ( To all you step-mommies who think you know it all-- take notes. this is real shit.) I used to watch Gavin while Ben was at school 3 nights every other week, then we would spend the entire weekend together. I had been there through infancy to toddler-hood, through the teething, crawling, walking, feeding, pooping etc. etc. you get what im saying. And as an Aunt of 11 kids.. I thought it would come easIER to me. and then, i got bitchslapped.

I love my son. I never thought it was even possible to love something like this. I thought I would love him like I love Ben. Or like I love shoes ( which is A LOT) I never in my life thought it would be this extreme, where sometimes I could ( and do) cry at a glance. Have you seen him!? he is so stinking cute. seriously... its rediculous.

With that being said, I have to admit. I have let being a mom completely take over my life. As it should! but I should still be a person. I'm not. I'm a diaper changer, milk maker, chasing arounder, non-shower-er, feeder, happy, mom. Being a mom has brought me closer to some (Especially my sisters!) and much further away from a lot of other things. my relationship defintely takes a backseat right now. and thats crazy! if I didn't have my soon-to-be hubby, I wouldn't have these kids at all! A majority of my friendships have taken a big hit... social life is ground zero. Which is fine... people who really mattered to me ( and I would want around my kids) are still around. I'm not saying any of this is bad-- I'm just saying. I never thought that EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life would change.  it's the most rewarding job on the planet, but I am "just" a mom. Super mom of course ;)

In OTHER NEWS... sweet boy is now 8 months old and sweeter than ever :) he's becoming so much more independant and LOVES to play with his big brother. He's always clapping and smiling... He's so happy! I know I've said it before.. But i couldnt of had a better baby for me. He is the best parts of me, maaaaaybe a little of Ben, and the best of his little baby self.

The binkie fairy paid a little visit to our house last night.. and took all of Gavins bedtime binkies and LJ's too ( he never took them.) we are VERY proud to say the habit has been kicked and lots of new babies are very happy with their new binkies ;) best part?! she brought Gavin LOTS of pennies and quarters and we're going to buy a pool today. Gotta love that binkie fairy... I bet she's super pretty too ;)

Time to wake up my crazies, and take them swimming with their cousins, Aunties, and Grandma. we love the summer time!! (ie... watch out for pool party post!!)



  1. You are an amazing mommy! Can't wait to see you again and meet the family :-)


  2. I have a Landon too! A stepmom too and I can totally understand do much of what you are feeling- my Landon was born 11-27-11 and life has never and will never be the same- and I've happily and excitedly accepted that! Mommyhood is THE BEST!