Friday, February 17, 2012

This too shall pass.

Tonight, Im on my smart phone... And touch screen is not my friend (as I'm positive you'll. Notice shortly).

I'm using this blogs for friends and family, to track how the boys are growing, and also for myself. It is such a creative outlet, and I do not have all the time to be creative anymore. I was creative for a living, but now I'm just changing smelly diapers. I also am excited to look back on my introduction to mommy hood. So, let's get real.

Life has not exactly been easy for us in the Smith household. Landon was sleeping SO great, down every night at 7:30, sleeping straight til at least 2 am. I was so thankful while working, it's hard regardless to get up with him at night and waking up early for work. That long stretch was so wonderful. Last night, landon was up EVERY HALF HOUR. It was so miserable. I got one "long" stretch, from 11 til 12:30. I have some major anxiety getting to sleep at night, be ause I never know when he's going to wake. I can't ever fall asleep in fear of him waking up right away. Needless to say, I got about no sleep last night.

Today, he didn't take a nap until about 5 pm. And that's only. Because he cried himself to sleep when I was in the shower. Ben had him, but he's so attached to me he freaks out when I'm not around. Sweet, yes. Frustrating, just as much. He has been cluster feeding the past. Couple days. I'm really hoping ( and so are my poor boobs) that tomorrows the lucky day and everything will go back to normal. I really am taking the bad with the good, but sometimes the bad are so hard.

The other day, for the first time, I broke down and told Ben he needed to take him. I just physically couldn't take it anymore. He wouldnt let me put him down ALL DAY LONG. Ben must have known. By the look in my eyes, because he kissed me and told me to go upstairs and take a nap. Although I really. Couldn't, spending the little bit of time alone was all I needed. About 50 minutes later I heard the "I'm hungry" cry, so my time ended. But I was a lot mOre refreshed.

Ben is going to be working a lot more. Wedding planning, a trip to Vegas in a few months, and of course LIFE... It takes a toll on us. I respect and love him so much for being willing to do all of that for our family, but it is hard on me. I don't always have his physical help at home, and miss out on some of the emotional support as well. And by all means, I am so thankful for his ambition. It's just another struggle, but, what isn't? I would much rather miss him during the day and have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I am too lucky to have him.
(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I want to reiterate how thankful I am to have Ben. Again here, the good out weighs the bad. I just miss him is all!)

Today is just another day on my journey. Lands has been sleeping for over an hour, so I'm going to hope for the. Best and rest up too. I'm gonna snuggle up with Muffin and celebrate Friday Bride day on TLC :)


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