Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I still blog.

It's hotter than hell. My mind is racing. I'm blogging from my iPhone... Which means this is serious. (All my readers know how much I hate blogging from this thing!!!)  I've had a very exhausting, very emotional and life changing month. I'm far too old to be in the situation I'm in, but, life throws curve balls. Here I am, 26, single mom living at my own mothers house. I've been gone since I was 18, hello nostalgia!! I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and not make my own decisions for my own happiness. The best thing I have probably done in my life is stay home with my son and be able to be with him 100% of the time. But honestly... It's never what I wanted. I enjoyed working and really loved what I did. Here I am, starting over from complete scratch and am missing two solid years of job experience on my résumé. I have to start back over in every aspect of my life.

For those of you who are wondering, LJ's doing better then ever. Taking him out of such a toxic environment and freeing him from the arguments and fighting really has done a lot for him. He's much happier, sillier, and seems to talking a whole lot more then he was before. We will be back on our feet hopefully sooner then later, and, I hope to be able to give him a sence of  stability and security.  Its important I take care of all this garbage now instead of later, so that when he's at an age he remembers everything, he will have a family environment and feel like his life, and his heart is full. I love him more than I can say. He truly is the thing keeping me going right now. Through all the bull shit I'm dealing with, if I don't teach him to be strong, who will? I'm doing everything I can to make sure he's not effected by the situations effecting me right now. I won't take him down with me, he deserves better. 

Currently considering a few options for myself... Back to school? Back to merchandising? Currently bartending and cocktailing for my mom at the bowling alley, but, hoping that's a temporary solution although it will get my bills paid for now. I've been thinking for a long time what a career choice might look for me as a mother, but now as a single mother.... Trying to be more strategic and find something that will most definitely benefit me AND my son. We're a badass team.

Other news... My brain has always, ALWAYS been smarter then my heart. I have rarely ever followed my heart.... And I remember why. It's a little heavy today, my actions and choices are taking a toll. But-- like with everything else, I'll get through it or ill get over it. Fate is a sneaky little bitch. I do believe everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is not brought to the surface just yet. Only time will tell.

Looks like its Tuesday again, Monday sucks it proved to be as stupid as ever, and now it's time to shake the 'tude play softball. I normally look forward to it a bit more then I do today, but need some time away from the real world. 

It's been real, blog world. I miss my readers. I have of lately been blogging privately, but it's time to get back on track. Expect to hear from me again soon ;)

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