bridezilla...who?

We still have sooooooo long til the wedding. like, forever. almost as long as we have been together so far. People are annoyed by this. but if anyone wants to hand us 15 or more THOUSAND dollars.. we will gladly move it up. to tomorrow. but, it is important to us that we have the money to spend, the time to spend it, and that Landon is big enough to walk as the ring bear with his big brother. we want to make sure everything is exactly the way we want it. No regrets! We are obviously not planning on having another one, so what we want is important to us. that being said, we can NOT find a FREAKING VENUE. a lot of polcies are rediculous. no alcohol at a few. what does that even mean?! shouldn't I, the BRIDE(zilla) be the one to make that decision? a lot of other have expensive fees.. which is whatever. 500 fee for having booze, or a $5/bottle cork fee. that makes for an expenise bottle of wine. and a $4/slice cake cutting fee. which is averaging out at about 9 bucks per person for a piece of CAKE. I havent even started  looking at cake yet because it makes me want to vomit. i don't even like cake that much. But I will be sure to enjoy each bite of cake at the next wedding I attend!

we have been venue hunting for MONTHS. I used to get excited, and take pictures as soon as we pulled up. And now.. nothing. I actually dread the emails, the walk-throughs, the searching... its getting annoying and frusterating. Here's where we stand so far..

The sanctuary at admiral

This place is AMAZEBALLS. the balconies, the chairs ( I have a weird thing about ugly chairs) the whole theme.. it's seriously so cute. It has everything we are looking for. the only problem for me, which really isn't a PROBLEM.. just a wrentch, is that it is so modern. which is great! the decor is so cute. But, I will have to change my vision if we pick this. I was hoping very soft colors with pops of bright springy colors. This place is very red/black/gold/grey... totally gorg but not my vision. potentially worth changing. this is by far our number one choice so far.

Hollywood School House!

This... is EXACTLY what I was looking for. seriously.. its BEAUTIFUL. it's the second venue we looked at. I am unsure if all the NO's! are pulling me back here... or if I actually do just love it. its amazing though. there alcohol policy sucks, and it's going to cost us a big chunk of our budget, and the bridal and groom suits are SUPER lame. but... I think we could deal with it.

I am only going to look at a couple more places before re-looking at these two. my goal is to have a down payment on a venue by september, when the wedding shows are coming back around. I went last year, but it was just a week after my engagement and I more or less just wanted to go out of excitement. It was a bit overwhelming so I would like more direction this time around.

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I wanted to give a big F YOU! shout out to edmonds yatch club... who wouldn't even let us take a looksie at that fine establishment because our wedding is so far away. Thanks for the customer service ;) oh and ps youre welcome for this!)

Hopefully we will figure this out ASAP. although we still have lots of time, it's moving FAST as I'm chasing around my little boys. Here's some sweetness to hold you over!

xoxo!

Confessions of a new mommy

Landon is beginning to "normalize" a little bit. He's starting to go to sleep sometimes between 8:30 and 10:30 instead of midnight to 2 am. He is still not sleeping great through the night, but its very slowly getting better. we've pretty much been teething since beginning of June, so, I have hope. When these two top teeth push through, we might have a fighting chance. which takes me to my point-- I have have a lot of time to think. more than usual... which can be scary.

Being a mom is HARD. especially a new mom! I never, ever thought for a second it would be easy... but since I had Gavin since he was 2 weeks old, I thought I understood. ( To all you step-mommies who think you know it all-- take notes. this is real shit.) I used to watch Gavin while Ben was at school 3 nights every other week, then we would spend the entire weekend together. I had been there through infancy to toddler-hood, through the teething, crawling, walking, feeding, pooping etc. etc. you get what im saying. And as an Aunt of 11 kids.. I thought it would come easIER to me. and then, i got bitchslapped.

I love my son. I never thought it was even possible to love something like this. I thought I would love him like I love Ben. Or like I love shoes ( which is A LOT) I never in my life thought it would be this extreme, where sometimes I could ( and do) cry at a glance. Have you seen him!? he is so stinking cute. seriously... its rediculous.

With that being said, I have to admit. I have let being a mom completely take over my life. As it should! but I should still be a person. I'm not. I'm a diaper changer, milk maker, chasing arounder, non-shower-er, feeder, happy, mom. Being a mom has brought me closer to some (Especially my sisters!) and much further away from a lot of other things. my relationship defintely takes a backseat right now. and thats crazy! if I didn't have my soon-to-be hubby, I wouldn't have these kids at all! A majority of my friendships have taken a big hit... social life is ground zero. Which is fine... people who really mattered to me ( and I would want around my kids) are still around. I'm not saying any of this is bad-- I'm just saying. I never thought that EVERY SINGLE aspect of my life would change.  it's the most rewarding job on the planet, but I am "just" a mom. Super mom of course ;)

In OTHER NEWS... sweet boy is now 8 months old and sweeter than ever :) he's becoming so much more independant and LOVES to play with his big brother. He's always clapping and smiling... He's so happy! I know I've said it before.. But i couldnt of had a better baby for me. He is the best parts of me, maaaaaybe a little of Ben, and the best of his little baby self.

The binkie fairy paid a little visit to our house last night.. and took all of Gavins bedtime binkies and LJ's too ( he never took them.) we are VERY proud to say the habit has been kicked and lots of new babies are very happy with their new binkies ;) best part?! she brought Gavin LOTS of pennies and quarters and we're going to buy a pool today. Gotta love that binkie fairy... I bet she's super pretty too ;)

Time to wake up my crazies, and take them swimming with their cousins, Aunties, and Grandma. we love the summer time!! (ie... watch out for pool party post!!)

xoxo

my baby is 7 months old!

WHERE has the time gone?! I can't even believe its been 7 months since my sweet boy has entered the world... its almost pathetic how every month gets harder and harder for me. I am SO proud of everything he does, but so sad to see my sweet little boy growing so fast. although I am over the constant nursing, the night wakings... the too clingy-ness when i need to do the dishes, take a shower, or just a break... but I wouldnt change anything for the world! I can shower next year and sleep when I die ;)

I realized I never updated about Landon's doctors appointment a few weeks ago, and we pulled it off!! he's gaining a little bit more than whats "normal" per day.. and our pediatrician wants to push a little bit more than that so he can catch up what was lost. So he is still a bit small, but perfect, healthy, and meeting all of his milestones.

Don't let him fool you... He eats EVERYTHING.

hes starting to pull himself up, army crawling ( when he wants to), rocking on all fours, and likes to nurse on all fours or standing (ANNOYING), and hes beginning to resond to some sign language (mostly just milk, food, and all done.), and when I say BIG JUMP! he bounces up and down like he's trying to jump. I can't even believe the little personality he's starting to develop!

Him and Gavin absolutely love eachother. he plays SOOO much longer when Gavin is on the floor keeping him company. it's making our off weeks much more difficult, I think he really misses Gavin when hes not here. when he wakes up from his nap hes always trying to look over the hand rail on the stairs looking for him. it really is sweet. I love watching them together! (even though Gavin often scares the balls off me. he likes to sit and crawl on him. he doesnt realize he's just a baby!)

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: these pictures are all from the last month. I really had to filter through for my favorites. I literally took over 250 pictures last month.)

We FINALLY started decorated the boys' room... I know, REALLY late. I have been bitching at Ben since I was pregnant, and neither of us made any kind of effort. But I got all kinds of motivated last weekend and we got the ball rolling. we still need to buy lots of pictures and frames and things... but it looks so cute already!

this is the wall with the most done... its a work in progress and I'm exicited!!

I guess I'm gonna end this with the rest of the photo bomb... I could go on all day about how cute he looks when he sneezes or how red his face gets when he shits his diaper. I'll spare you (and myself.) not to mention dad will be  home soon, baby is napping and I've got shit to do!!!

How did I get so lucky? Happy 7 months my sweet baby boy!!

xoxo

PHOTO BOMB!!

Hello blogworld--

as promised, I have come to drop a load of pictures on you. Ben will be home soon, and I've done nothing domestic all day (besides being a mommy, of course!) so I will keep this short and sweet.

We are almost a week into this crazy help LJ gain weight game, and, of course he came down  with a fever on saturday and as of 4:30 this (monday) morning, we are still fighting it. he doesn't seem like he feels too awful, but I know hes uncomfortable. I have to take him back in tomorrow, for the weight check and to try and figure out whats going on with this fever. and since of course he's not eating as much because he doesn't feel good, We will either have to schedule another weight check or a time for blood work :( it 100% tears me upside at just the THOUGHT of something being wrong with my sweet boy. I would do anything in my power to keep him strong, healthy, and happy... but some things are out of your control. I do know that there is still a strong chance that nothing is wrong with him at all. I'm not freaking out yet. but the thought of it... is hard for a momma.


I will update this week, after the doctors appointment. everyone, whatever you do... keep him in your thoughts, prayers, send us some good vibes etc... I need my little boy to be healthy! fingers crossed!!!

LJ is 5 months old here!

Gavin is FINALLY learning to smile on command :)

LJ and his cousin Nick!

You don't eat your feet for dinner?

Easter with the Kuzn cousins!

easter!!

PEEPS!!

recent mommy and daddy date night :)

my big boy in his crib! I miss putting him to sleep... love the break from it. (He doesnt usually sleep with all the blankets.. relax.)

At the big boy table!

I'm 6 months old today!! and not feeling well after shots :(

(FAUX-BLOGGERSNOTE:: from now on, I vow to STOP taking the majority of my pictures on my iphone. It's so annoying that most my cute pictures are stuck on my phone... but i will miss the convenience!)

Enjoy!! 
xoxo

6 months old today!

Every day is a new journey in mommyhood. Today's journey, makes me sad. My sweet baby boy is 6 months old today! I'm so proud of him. He amazes me every.single.day. I'm totally that mom who's always like... " omg did you see that?" "look at his face!" "lol he's soooo funny look at him!" I try not to be so annoying, but I can't help it. he is so cute and I LOVE to watch him learn, grow, and explore. He is now putting himself to SLEEP (yes, that means he sleeps now), in his crib, sometimes a few tears sometimes not, all by himself. One day he learned how to sleep on his own, and BAM who needs their mom anymore? Well i suppose he still really does. But I do miss rocking him to sleep every night. ( but let's be real-- I do NOT miss him fighting sleep, waking up every 45 minutes alll night long, and screaming and crying in the process!)

with all that great stuff being said, Landon has lost about 12 ounces in the last month. that is not ideal for babies, as I am sure most of you know. our pediatrician seemed genuinely concerned, and we will be going back in next week. if he isn't gaining, we have to do blood work to find out medically what could be causing this. it is absolutely terrifying to even THINK about something being wrong with him. I am going to do everything in my mommy power to get him to add some weight this week... but to be honest, I kind of expected this was going to happen, and I've been trying to get him to consume as much as possible. he's pretty much attached to my boob more than he's not, so I have to look beyond breastmilk. (although I will not be cutting back at all)
 

I've been thinking lately about how hard it can be to be a mom. although I never thought it would be a walk in the park... i just never thought it would be so book smart hard. I knew the loving, feeding, changing, bathing, playing, blah blah blah part would come to me just fine- I never thought I would be researching as much as I do! How do I get him to sleep? how can I get him to gain weight? How can i make his separation anxiety easier for him to deal with? what CAN he eat? my babycenter account is probably on search overload sometimes. I'm positive that I over think (and google) things.. and I probably learned more than I need to. But thankful to know how to keep my boy safe and healthy. 

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: first time mom syndrome.. in full force. If someone wrote a book about something, I will find it.)

well I am unsure as to why, but I can't upload any pictures today :( I will hit you with a huge photo bomb if I can get the kids to nap at the same time this week, or ill do it next week. lame for now but you won't be disappointed!!

xoxo

I'm like a sappy love song

Every time I turn around, it's been like 10 years since my last blog. Truth is, life Is happening and I just can't keep up!!!

I am doing sleep training right now, and holy mother. I've always been stubborn, and just my luck that my sweet boy is just as bad. I have nursed him to sleep his entire 5 months of existence. It was so easy, and HELLO! Attachment parenting for the win. I loved it as much as he did. There was something so relaxing about it. It became unrelaxing when he started waking up more and more and more until he was awake every 45 mins wanting to nurse. It all started about 8 weeks ago, and ended a few nights ago. I was up until 5 am, in tears, and exhausted. I can't fall asleep knowing he's just going to turn around and wake up again!! It was miserable. After researching WAY more than I should have, I came up with a few ways to monitor his day time sleep ( to make sure he's not over tired or too rested) and have not nurses him to sleep in 3 days. It's been hard, for both of us but the sleep we both got yesterday made it worth it! Tonight has not been looking so good, but, fingers crossed.

Moral of today's story, is I haven't really been writing lately because:: 1) life is happening. It doesn't slow for anything! And 2) because i'm an emotional mess. I am so sappy and lovey dovey and I'm just trying to spare you.

It's do crazy when you can look at your child/ren and be so in love every time. Maybe it's because Landon is growing SO (or, too) fast... Or because GAvin is getting SO smart... I am just a big bundle of love and I'm so happy to be where I am. Even when things are hard in the moment, I can look at my kids and be on cloud 9. Even though I miss my old life so much.. My friends, my job, and my independence ( ahem; and my body) I would change anything in the world. I am always just a baby snuggle away from being happy no matter what.

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I'm done. You are spared.)

Being all lovey and smoochy with my babies doesn't make me not tired though, so, I'm going to sleep. It's going to be a long weekend. Also, my app doesn't allow me to add pictures through out , so here's another photo bomb, courtesy of my iPhone.

And then there's days like this...

Welp, LJ's cold is in full force. I took him to the doctor today, and everything is normal (normal cold, that is.). I assumed so, especially because I know this is the cold that Gavin came down with last week. Landon seemed to be feeling much better yesterday... Until last night. Poor baby can't breathe and when he does finally fall asleep, he ends up coughing and wakes him up. He didn't want to play today, and he was SO tired from not sleeping last night. I couldn't fight the nagging feeling in my mind that, what IF there was something worse going on and I didn't take him soon enough. Luckily, we don't have to worry, and although he's still not feeling great I am much more at ease.

He took a late nap today, but since he's so miserable I'm just letting him do whatever he wants, which is a whollle bunch of things Im going to regret next week. Nursing ALL THE TIME.. Sleeping in the swing ( which took a long time to break!) and holding him a lot. I just want the little guy to be as Comfortable as possible. I hate seeing him so miserable :(

As I was just writing about just putting him down and my anxiety levels low, he immediately woke up and now levels are high. Will I ever learn to not jinx things? Sigh. I will sleep again one day...

I planned on strict sleep training this week, working him out of our room and into the crib (even though I think he's more ready for that then I am) and nap training. I'm kinda hoping that his napping issues are what's causing him to not sleep at night, plus I've cut about half of the night feelings out ( yep! Still waking up about every hour at 5 MONTHS!!) so at some point he should hopefully catch on. I'm a lunatic. I need sleep to normalize myself. Ohhh the days I thought being a mom meant snuggling and playing with a sweet baby. Who ever knew there's so many strategies. Shits getting real in mommyhood.

It's coming up on midnight, and I have to get some sleep (or try!). Landon's been down for about 10 minutes without a wake up, so I MIGHT have a stretch of sleep. Unless I just jinxed it again?! I didn't do anything but snuggle and tend to this sweet boy today so I've got some serious damage control to do around the house.

Someone don't be shy and ask to take Landon for a few hours so I can take a nap!! ;)

Xoxo