Anyone have a chill pill?

Well hello blog world!! Unfortunately, I'm iPhone blogging tonight, NOT my favorite way of doing it. But it's 1 am and I just need to babble.

Gavin had a bit of a cold this week, a little cough and a one day baby fevers of a just a smidge over 100. He was pretty calm that day, ( if you know Gavin, you know that's weird!) and didn't get off the couch much. He was more than normal the next day, and annoying as ever. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Ahh at some point I always go crazy. Off track- my point is, LJ had developed a little cough too, and although it sounded icky its not really bad. He was acting completely normal then boom. He puked like 6 times in an hour span. I suddenly came down with a severe case of first time mom syndrome. And it was bad. Im talking this kid was PUKING. Cough, gag, release. It was so sad his poor little body just didn't know how to get it out. He became really drowsy, almost lethargic... He didn't even want to hold his head up and he just laid on my lap with his binkie ( which he NEVER takes from me with out a fight) . I was immediately thinking the worst, and thinking about calling the doctor, taking him to the hospital etc. etc. etc.

My mom held him as he slept for about an hour, so we could monitor how he was acting. He was out so cold I thought he would sleep til morning. But he didn't, and when he woke up he was himself again. Color in his face, babbling, trying to nurse ( I'm sure he was starving!) I was so relieved. I waited another good hour before leaving an he was just fine. He's still coughing a little, but I think (hope!) we're over the puking.

I spent the whole rest of the night being thankful for my sweet little baby. I'm pretty freakin dramatic sometimes, but today just kind of dramatic. I didn't think he was going to die or anything, but I was definitely scared. It's crazy what you take for granted (like your HEALTH!!!) and I'm not sure I will anymore. At least remind my self not too!! All I want to do is snuggle my baby boy right now, but I've been doing some serious sleep training and don't want to throw it all away.

Spent the rest of the night cleaning/ sanitizing the house to get ready to play with Aubrey in the morning! Luckily we were gone all day so all those germs ( and mess.. Hehe) are at my moms house.

Fingers crossed for sleep tonight. My sweet boy is gonna need it, and lord knows this momma hasn't slept in about a year. ( horrible pregnancy = horrible sleeping baby? Can I catch a break please?) I'm going to try whole I can! Goodnight blognerds!!

why HELLO there!

So, my ever so awesome fiance bought me a new iPhone a few weeks ago, and I cancelled my t-mobile account. At that point I lost something that I didn't know know was so important to me... unlimited data. I'm having serious pinterest with drawls, and my fingers could bleed from all the paper cuts I'm getting from bridal magazines. (AKA... online browsing is SO much cooler.) middle of the night breastfeeding... actually any time of the day breastfeeding, is getting boring. I can't even believe how much I miss my phone. I always thought I didn't care about that kind of garbage, but I clearly do. It's been almost a week, and I've got a couple days left til it rolls over. don't hate me facebook, I will return soon...

So nothings new in the world of mommyhood, Ben and I are both not feeling too hot. Landon seems to have his moments, but hes mostly just congested with he wakes up. He has returned to being a nightmare sleeper, so anything hindering his sleep, i.e not being able to breathe, really makes it more difficult for all of us. He has started sleeping two hour intervals again, instead of 20-40 mins like he was, so it's a bit better. and of course he napped today for almost 4 hours... but that does NOT happen at night. I actually don't even want to talk about his sleep habits. it stresses me out  and I have no wine. ( and can't drink it if I did because HE NEVER SLEEPS!! sigh.)

I went to the zoo with my sisters yesterday, it was both of my kids' first time. Gavin was... mostly interested in the rocks and the dirt. but it was still fun! and good memories for my sisters and I (who are beginning to see each other more often, but due to history have not spent our lives together doing fun things like going to the zoo! or knowing each other for that matter.) and also for the kids to get to know their cousins a bit better. I had such a great relationship with most my cousins, and still do today. I love passing that on to my kids!!

Landon is officially 4 months old. I seriously couldn't have dreamt up a cuter baby. I just adore him. hes rolling over belly to back, and now back to belly. next is crawling... I'm not looking forward to that. my little baby and his big ass belly are growing up SO fast. I can't believe at this time last year I had just found out that I was prego. and now my life looks like this. Amazing!

I cleaned the SHIT out of my house today. I love when this place feels like a home. the kids have been so good, and the long naps really helped me too. I wish I had this much time to myself all the time!! (although then I would probably use it for things like a massage, or a nap... still sounds phenomenal.)

I suppose I should get back to slaving away. (Ben told me I was "like" Cinderella today... I am unsure he meant that in a bad way, but, THANKS. She damn near a slave for her evil step-mom and step-sisters... but, I think that was his way of noticing my hard work? I'm unsure, but, I'll take it I guess.)

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I can't upload any pictures from my phone since I'm out of stupid data. and my camera is in the kitchen and... well, I'm not. so no pictures today, but soon!! Don't have cute kid with drawls, I'll get ya next time!!)

xoxo

a stay at home mom can't hire a maid?

Besides the fact that I'm not working, have no income, and am at home all the time, I don't understand why I can't hire someone to clean up after my kids. Holding Landon all day would be a lot cooler if I could just sit around drinking wine and  watching Super Why with Gavin...

I moved in with Ben around July, and was completely out of my apartment by the end of August. I should of done it MONTHS before so, as I was too pregnant to really want to get stuff done. it took too long to get everything unpacked and out of boxes. And even longer to actually put stuff where it belongs. Needless to say, I just found a home for every thing I own, even though most of it went to the thrift store. It wasn't that I didn't want to live with Ben, we had talked about it for quite awhile before it happened, but, I didn't want to hand him my independence on a silver platter AND get rid of all my stuff. ( I did both.) But in all honesty, my pregnancy was a surprise, and we probably would have waited a wee bit longer had this not happened when it did.

Any-whoo, moral of the story is, since it took me so long to get my shit together, it's taken me that much longer to this place under control. I have been searching high and low on the Internet ( *cough cough, PINTEREST*) for some organization tools to help me get my ass into gear. I've been so caught up in wedding dreams, that I allowed my house to continue to take a back seat to real life. and then, I found-- THIS!!!!!

I am totally going to start this in march. It is such an amazing guideline for me to start coming up a daily routine. Clearly, I will not need to do some of the things as often, and I will need to do some more often (like laundry. sigh). On our Gavin weeks, our living room is filled with random toys, and it is so hard to keep the place tidy. Our downstairs is small, and with all of us, the furniture, the baby stuff, and a bunch of random toys (that I am always falling over) it is hard for it to look clean. But I am doing my best. Although Ben accuses me of sitting around doing nothing but watch TV all day, I think I have made great progress around here. I have little set backs when I have Gavin, but the bigger tasks are getting worked on on his off weeks. Looking past all that, I am proud of what this little house is starting to look like. Does someone want to give me a lot of money so I can buy lots of decorative stuff? Please?

In better days. NYE 2011

I am officially looking for some kind of mom's group to take up some of my free time. Being home all the time is really starting to wear on me. Not to mention just about all my "friends" took the high road, because I clearly am not out getting wasted and shaking my ass anymore. (although in all honesty, it would be nice to go out sometimes!!!) It's sad that I thought I had a lot of friendships, but I just had a lot of drinking buddies. I lost a lot of friends when Ben and I got together, because I got "boring" (even though I went out more with him then I ever did before... maybe because I calmed down so much?) and pretty much lost the rest when I got pregnant. I would never ask anyone to change their lives for me. but a little respect that mine changed? yah, whatever.

Luckily, I have a handful of good friends left, a pretty cool family, and some cute kids, so, all that other stuff doesn't matter to me.

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: It has taken me 3 days to finish this blog. I'm just going to end it now because I can't stay on one train of thought!!!)

xoxo

 

This too shall pass.

Tonight, Im on my smart phone... And touch screen is not my friend (as I'm positive you'll. Notice shortly).

I'm using this blogs for friends and family, to track how the boys are growing, and also for myself. It is such a creative outlet, and I do not have all the time to be creative anymore. I was creative for a living, but now I'm just changing smelly diapers. I also am excited to look back on my introduction to mommy hood. So, let's get real.

Life has not exactly been easy for us in the Smith household. Landon was sleeping SO great, down every night at 7:30, sleeping straight til at least 2 am. I was so thankful while working, it's hard regardless to get up with him at night and waking up early for work. That long stretch was so wonderful. Last night, landon was up EVERY HALF HOUR. It was so miserable. I got one "long" stretch, from 11 til 12:30. I have some major anxiety getting to sleep at night, be ause I never know when he's going to wake. I can't ever fall asleep in fear of him waking up right away. Needless to say, I got about no sleep last night.

Today, he didn't take a nap until about 5 pm. And that's only. Because he cried himself to sleep when I was in the shower. Ben had him, but he's so attached to me he freaks out when I'm not around. Sweet, yes. Frustrating, just as much. He has been cluster feeding the past. Couple days. I'm really hoping ( and so are my poor boobs) that tomorrows the lucky day and everything will go back to normal. I really am taking the bad with the good, but sometimes the bad are so hard.

The other day, for the first time, I broke down and told Ben he needed to take him. I just physically couldn't take it anymore. He wouldnt let me put him down ALL DAY LONG. Ben must have known. By the look in my eyes, because he kissed me and told me to go upstairs and take a nap. Although I really. Couldn't, spending the little bit of time alone was all I needed. About 50 minutes later I heard the "I'm hungry" cry, so my time ended. But I was a lot mOre refreshed.

Ben is going to be working a lot more. Wedding planning, a trip to Vegas in a few months, and of course LIFE... It takes a toll on us. I respect and love him so much for being willing to do all of that for our family, but it is hard on me. I don't always have his physical help at home, and miss out on some of the emotional support as well. And by all means, I am so thankful for his ambition. It's just another struggle, but, what isn't? I would much rather miss him during the day and have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I am too lucky to have him.
(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I want to reiterate how thankful I am to have Ben. Again here, the good out weighs the bad. I just miss him is all!)

Today is just another day on my journey. Lands has been sleeping for over an hour, so I'm going to hope for the. Best and rest up too. I'm gonna snuggle up with Muffin and celebrate Friday Bride day on TLC :)

Xoxo!

the show MUST go on

It's official. I'm unemployed. and while I am so excited for the opportunity to stay home and raise my son, I never thought it would be so hard to leave my job. Since I no longer work there, I can say that there was some shady business concerning my maternity leave, and it definately made it easier to go. I still respect the company (just not the devil running the district), so I won't go into details. I only shed a few tears, and left the entire first chapter of my adulthood behind.

I feel a bit in a "crisis mode"... as dramatic as that sounds. I always knew I wanted to be a merchandiser. Leaving such a big part of my life, even though I'm doing something so much more important is hard. F21 is has been a part of me, and it's almost like I feel lost. As if I have lost a bit of self-worth.

Via text message to a close friend, I mention, "I don't know who I am anymore!" half joking, half dead serious. He responds, " you're a beautiful talented merchandiser who refused to be taken for granted!! you are strong and courageous, fierce, intuitive and creative. you're a fiance', my close friend, and a new mother, with a brand new future waiting your arrival. Remember?"

how could I have forgotten.

I am so lucky to have friends to put me in my place. My life is not over, only, just beginning. I love my son so much more than I loved my career, and I learned so much and was able to meet so many people, travel, perfected my resume, and am on my way to a much better future. If I didn't have people like Dominique in my life, I would be lost. It feels good to know I made REAL friends from this experience!!

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I wrote this on the last day of work at F21. I never finished it, but going to post anyway!)

And I have also decided... I refuse to let WHAT I DO to define who I am. That job was another step in this amaze life that I live. On the the next!!

xoxo

Day and Night :)

"just" a MOM!

Yesterday, I started officially being a stay at home mom! I must say, I feel sort of... empty? It's weird being unemployed. I never have been... never thought I would be. But I must say, being "just" a mom feels so good!! ( i quote "just" because, some days it's harder work than an 8-5. and SOO much more rewarding!!)

It is also valentines day, and my awesome little sister has offered to watch LJ for us so we can go to dinner and a movie!! almost like old times. We aren't doing anything crazy, because... I got pregnant last year on valentines day while Ben came to stay with me in Canada, while I was doing a new store opening. that was the first Valentines day we had big plans, and I'm pretty sure that will be our LAST. But getting some couple time in tonight will be so refreshing! and we really need it.

in OTHER NEWS.... my little boy ROLLED OVER for the first time on sunday! I was SO excited and it came out of no where. he had never even attempted it before. I put him down, and BOOM. on his back. I was so excited!!

I am so proud of him, and love to watch him grow. But there is a small part of me that wants him to stay little forever. I often wonder what he will be like, even when hes just Gavin's age. He is reaching all his milestones on time ( and some early) and I just can't get enough of him! every day is something different. I am so in love with him.

He loves his feetsies. I love his little fat leg rolls.



(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I just got an iPhone. Expect loads of fun stuff to see! Happy V-day to me!!!)

I better get back to "work"... gotta get the kitchen clean before Dad gets home! :)

xoxo

my life never slows.

Never thought about the day I would blog about leaving my job. and today, I am!!!

I swore I would never want to be a stay at home mom. I've been with forever 21 for 4 1/2 years, and I absolutely LOVE what I do. I've been merchandising for about 3 1/2 of those years. for some reason getting that store looking fresh really gets my jollies off. Managing is not really my "thing"... but managing a group of people who are passionate about the same thing I am passionate about doesn't bother me. And my friends/ co-workers are the best. (118) seriously, If i didn't have my F21 "family", I am positive I could count my friends on one hand. Now I need both ;)

shortly after having Landon, Ben and I talked about the potential of me staying home with the kids. I was a little sketchy about moving to a new store after my maternity leave, and a little defeated that I wasn't going to be running the brand spankin' new Alderwood store. We would save a buttload of money on daycare, and I would be able to spend the much needed one on one time with my kids. I am sure we could have found a great day care, but I liked the idea of doing all of the work. I am officially on day 7 of my 10 days left at Forever, and it is so bitter sweet. I am so excited to be able to be with Landon everyday. My brother noted the other day how much he felt like Gavin was learning ( that boy is freakishly smart... mostly him but good to think I had something to do with it) and he has been MUCH more well behaved in the past month or so. I am so sad to leave what I love to do, but I love being a mom more. Being with my kids makes me so happy!

Landon just had his three month "birthday", and I can't believe how much he's growing!! he is so sweet. he just recently found his voice, and believe it or not he talks more than I do. I noticed today when I put Gavin into his bath that the boys have the same feet. Clearly they came from Ben, but I was still surprised to see bigger version of LJ's feet on his brother!

 I'm 3 months old today!!! 1/31/12

Being a momI h and a full time worker is ridiculously hard. I wake up early, get dressed, feed and get Landon ( and this week Gavin too) dressed, pump, pack up, drop baby off, sit in traffic for an hour... work, work, work! I feel constantly tense and SO tired. Getting up so often with the baby gives no excuse to running late to work. it's exhausting. Being a mom is a hard job. Being a working mom, is the hardest job. it's like working 24 hours a day. Makes me respect the working mom a lot more.

 My Aunt is awesome and I'm a cute little drooly fat boy :)

I have to say, I am probably the luckiest girl in the world to have Ben. Not only does he love me ( and my post baby bod!), but he is willing to take care of me 100% because that's what I want. Life isn't as romantic and snuggly as it used to be around here, but we are so in love and I love him more every single day. I cannot wait to marry *cough cough-- trap * him and call him my husband!!!

Landon looks just like me as a baby in this picture. Ben teases me because he... well, looks like a little red head devil baby. BUT I think it is so cute :)

(FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I was a red haired devil baby... and so is my son :) )

Looks like that's all for today, I've got a bunch of boys to take care of and I would LOVE to get some sleep tonight!! xoxo