Mommys need some time too!

I really don't have anything beneficial to say. probably nothing worth reading. but guess what! i don't feel good, I'm exhausted, and my kids are asleep so no interruptions.

i always try to be this great super mom/attachment parent, be with or accessible to my children at any given time, but I'm going crazy. i love the thought of attachment parenting, but i need a freaking break! I'm looking at almost 13 months of breast feeding, and i just really, more than anything, want my boobs and my drinking habit back. i will more than likely continue to nurse through winter, and potentially spring, but i will figure that out later. i love what i am doing for LJ (not to mention the great benefits for me!) but i wont say i don't daydream about putting baileys in my coffee, drinking bloody marys for breakfast, and guzzling down some vodka sodas for the rest of the day. but instead, i suffer with facing real life at all times. anything for my offspring!

I will absolutely kick myself for this, but my camera has been off lately. I cannot stand taking pictures of the boys right now. LJ does NOT sit still, and Gavin has such a 'tude sometimes, he only allows you to take pictures when he wants you to take pictures. and then he will drive you nuts until you do, demand to see it, and then drive you nuts til you take another one. wash, rinse, repeat.

if there is one thing that keeps me sane, its my Mr. he can literally walk in the door, and within seconds knows how I'm feeling. one day on the verge of a serious mental break down, he walks in the door:: * me, on my hands and knees trying to scrub coffee that Landon had happily taken a big drink of and also dumped it all over the floor* "Hi babe! oh. let me take the kids. you need a break." and some days...i SO do. don't think i some days don't want to punch him in the face. that happens too. but our dynamic works because i can tell him i want to punch him in the face, and then he straightens up. forever isn't easy. but we're figuring it out!

seahawks vs. jets 

a customer told me tonight, "I'll give you 50 cents, or a dollar (tip), you choose." i told him i didn't want either one. he asks me, " aren't you working for tips?" I said "nope, I'm working to get out of the house and talk to adults." he laughed at me, for probably too long. my guilt setting in thinking he's going to think I'm a horrible mother, he says, "my wife did the same thing!" gave me a dollar, and walked off. moral of the story, I am not the only stay at home mom who goes absolutely nuts. you always want what you can't (or this case, don't) have!

on that note-- i need to sleep. Landon I'm sure will be up soon. he's not feeling well (as am i) so although his sleep has gotten worlds better, he's having a hard time breathing and its effecting my beauty rest. but i will get what i can take. good night blog world. it's been real.

xoxo

FAUX-BLOGGERS NOTE:: I'm gonna hit you with some awesome pictures in attempt to make up for this post sucking so bad. 

Arrghh.

No it's cool. It's part of an arranged marriage.

I haz cheese?

This is old. like, 4 months old. but that FACE!!

Where does the time go?

I'll admit-- I was blog obsessed for quite a few months, and I was pretty passionate about getting to the computer, and getting everything part of my entrance to mommyhood on to a solid form of digital record. I am not even going to back track... But i know it's been months since I've gotten here. 

Mommyhood honesty:: I've been feeling very strange about LJ turning one. I am so proud, sad, exhausted, ready for him to get a job, and emotional (sans the tears). It feels almost... out of body. I kept trying to cuddle and rock him tonight. I pretty much got a big "F you mom, I'm a big boy now" from him, and he went along with his little sideways crab/drunken penguin waltz. moral of the story today, is, I am a proud mama. This kid drives me nuts, keeps me up ALL night (yes, still, at 1 years old). i fight through over-exhaustion. delusion. hypochondria. selfishness. and most importantly, my mild case of boozing. ( for us social drinkers, who suddenly get knocked up, and two years later hardly having her boobs in her shirt long enough to HAVE a drink.)

This would be his.. "I am one now and fighting naps so I am grumpy all day" face.

I decided a long time ago that my most important gift i could give to Lands would be to write him a letter, and let him know how much he changed my life and what he means to me. I hope to raise him in such a way that he will appreciate it one day, and feel this feeling of amazement himself when he has his own child. I hope to mold him into someone I, or any good woman for that matter, would WANT to be with. I've had experience with too many negative men in my life ( including the one who created me) that many of my hopes for him revolve around not only what he will do in life, but how he treats people and what kind of legacy he can leave behind. I am mommy-ing the best that I can.. and although the hurdles come and go, and will continue to for many, many years... I can only hope that he will be a good person with an amazing heart, and always try to do whats best. I am pouring my heart and soul into this child, and I cannot wait to see how he pans out. I am, by far, a better person than I ever knew i could be since he came along. he changed my life completely, and i hope he can continue to do that to others through out his life time. 

that is all for now, friends. I shall return if the beast decides to sleep again sometime soon. Birthday party pictures to come soon!

xoxo